THIS AIN'T D&D!

GASP! A Dastardly Skiplagger!

Fair warning, this one’s mildly infuriating. And a fair warning is the opposite of what 17-year-old Logan Parsons received when he approached the ticket counter at a Florida airport. 

The teen’s parents had booked him to fly from Gainesville, FL, to New York City, with a layover in Charlotte, NC. But instead of getting his boarding pass, poor Logan got taken to a “security room” for “questioning,” which ended in him being banned not only from his upcoming flight, but from all American Airlines flights for three years. Excuse me? Did the kid have a backpack full of hand grenades?

The real reason: Logan was "suspected" of intending to skiplag—which, I learned, means taking a flight with a layover, but getting off at the layover location, skipping the second leg. People do this because they can often save hundreds of dollars taking a flight with a layover as opposed to a direct flight. So airline officials looked at Logan’s ID, saw that his home address was in Charlotte, assumed he was going to skiplag, and immediately banned him.

Talk about overreacting. Logan was now left “to fend for himself 500 miles from home,” as his father complained in a Facebook post. He then had to buy his son a direct ticket for over $400 USD. 

But…was Logan trying to skiplag? That’s unclear. If so, his dad goofed by purchasing a ticket that would make Logan violate the airline contract. But it’s not exactly clear why American Airlines is punishing a teen who didn't buy the ticket himself.

More to the point, though, I kinda can't blame Logan or his dad because there is nothing fair about the cost of flying anyway! Right now, I could book an Air Canada flight to Calgary, a 5.5-hour flight, and I'd pay about 30% less than if I was booking to fly just 1.5 hours to Newfoundland on the same day. And don't even get me started on the intentional overbooking of flights.

When it comes to skiplagging, people do it to save money. That's all. Why should airlines expect us to pay far more for exactly the same service? Maybe, instead of gouging minors, their families, and the rest of us, they could consider injecting a wee bit of logic into their pricing schemes. 

OH FOR FLAX SAKE

Me and My Big Thumb

What’s more versatile than the thumbs-up emoji? Not only does it encompass meanings such as "I agree,” “Well done,” and “Cool. Cool cool cool,” it also conveniently gets you out of having to actually say anything. It’s a non-response, in the polite(ish) shape of a response. That works pretty well...until it doesn't. 

Chris Achter, a farm owner in Swift Current, Saskatchewan, got a text from a prospective buyer for his flax crops, which included the request to "please confirm flax contract." To this, Achter replied with (of course) that noncommittal thumbs-up. That was in March 2021. By November, Achter had not delivered said flax. In the meantime, flax prices had gone up, and Achter then refused to deliver because he hadn’t confirmed the order.

So the buyer recently argued in court that the emoji did, in fact, amount to a confirmation. Achter protested that it was only supposed to mean he’d received the text message, but he didn’t have time to review the contract. You didn't have time to review it in eight months, dude? Really? I guess the thumbs-up meant, “sure whatever I don't want your money, byeee" or something along those lines. 

Verdict: the judge ruled in order of the would-be buyer. He decided that a thumbs-up emoji, while “a non-traditional means to 'sign' a document,” still conveys the same meaning as a signature on a contract. This makes me wonder if, as our lives become ever more emojified, people will start adopting specific emojis as their digital “signatures.” (Dibs on the cup of coffee!) But if we do, we’ll want to set some collective rules for the responsible use of emojis. For his ambiguous thumbs-up, Achter’s been ordered to pay a hefty $82,000 (CAD). 

I'M TAKING MY BODY AND LEAVING!

Return of the Diva Dad

Most of us are acquainted with the fact that maintaining relationships as adults takes patience and consideration. David Baerten didn’t have time for that crap. What he did have time for was an idea so bad, it’s perfect for TikTok: faking his own death in order to teach his friends and family a lesson about paying more attention to him!

Faking his death meant enlisting his wife and children in the plan—oh, but first, David let his kids think that he really had died! He let them think this for days!! And get this: the production crew he hired only agreed to film the stunt if he let the kids in on it. In the meantime, his daughter had taken to social media with a grief-stricken post: “Rest in peace, Daddy, I will never stop thinking about you.” You’d think that realizing he was hurting his loved ones would snap David out of it, but no!!!

Meanwhile, David’s wife had the super-fun job of convincing all their friends and extended family that her husband was indeed suddenly deceased. Why, though? I initially thought, hey, maybe she loves acting. Or extreme pranking. Then I read in a different article that she had begged him not to go ahead with it, but evenutally relented. Which makes a lot more sense, because this whole setup implies a level of “let’s humour him” that is mentally draining.

So how did this 45-year-old man “come back to life”? Before his funeral, with black-clad family and friends milling around outside, a helicopter flew overhead, landed in a nearby field…and out stepped David, perfectly fine. As TikToks attest, some of the guests were tearful and overjoyed to learn he was still among them. Others were, let’s just say, less impressed.

To his (slight) credit, David later expressed some regrets. However, he also said the funeral proved who “really cared” about him: “So in a way, I did win,” he gloated. Yup, he sure did win at making his loved ones feel terrible! I bet they’ll invite to all the things now.