Silly stories from now and then

THEY CAME FROM ABOVE!

Night of the Baby Spiders

White stuff doesn’t usually fall from the sky in California. When it does, it means residents of the Bay area in San Francisco get an extra dose of Halloween. Surprising? Sure. Scream-worthy? Maybe.

The reason for the screamin’ is a set of words that most of us hope never to hear in this specific combination: Baby spiders are falling from the sky! Okay, technically, it’s called “ballooning” or “kiting,” but when the air is thick with GORILLIONS of baby spiders, it’s hardly the time for entomological accuracy! 

So here's the situation: Floofy little wisps of spider silk, twisted together in strands, are appearing from seemingly nowhere, drifting through the air, and coming to rest on plants, sidewalks, houses, and any unfortunate pedestrian in their path. Which leaves us with, why??!?! And are we absolutely sure this isn’t stolen from the plot of the latest Friday the 13th? 

According to experts, this is simply a banner year for spider population growth. The sticky strands are their passenger transport, blown by the wind so the youngsters can scout out new territory (and terrify new people, duh!).

“It’s a great opportunity to learn more about spiders,” enthused Fred Larabee, an assistant professor of biology at San Jose State University, per the San Francisco Chronicle. (Theory: He’s actually just hundreds of spiders in a man costume. No one has proven he isn’t.)

However, Bay area residents missed this educational advice. Most have barricaded themselves in their houses with a COVID-level supply of toilet paper, to emerge only when the Rain/Reign of Spiderlets has ended. - AT

MAN'S BEAST FRIEND!

Big Friendly Gator

Wally Gator is a licensed emotional support animal. He’s also about five feet long and has pointy jaws designed for ripping apart tender things, like people. In the words of the eminent TikTokker, user8274921941554: “As a society, we’ve now gone too far.”

Perhaps. But by all appearances (and he makes MANY appearances), Wally lives a totally nonaggressive life at his owner’s reptile sanctuary in Pennsylvania, as documented on his TikTok and Instagram accounts. He’s fed a raw-chicken diet, invoking envy from any household dog or cat. He even gets to travel around, teaching people about gators and (ummm) giving out hugs!

You need to Google this? I’ll wait.

For all his successful PR moves, Wally and his owners still face the occasional setback. Recently, this BFG was denied entrance to a true Pennsylvanian institution: a Phillies game. (The one where they hosted the Pittsburgh Pirates, for you sports-knowers.)

According to the stadium’s policy, “Guide dogs, service animals, or service animals in training are welcome. All other animals are prohibited.” Wait. What? Are you telling me this venue doesn’t make an exception for alligators???

Your Lemons reporters heard about this through AP News, who heard about it from sportscaster Howard Eskin, who had Tweeted, “Are you kidding me?” along with a photo of Wally on a leash.

Too bad for Wally’s owners that they presumably didn’t get to watch the game. But for Wally’s sake? He’s likely not too bothered by the closed door. It’s hard to imagine even the most gregarious gator enjoying the company of a few thousand rowdy baseball fans. Although, just think of how many footlongs he could devour simultaneously! (Hold the buns—he’s gluten-free.) - AT

A TERRIFYING COCKTAIL!

A Shrimp Like No Other

You know we love our strange science highlights, and The Byte did not let us down on this front.

It’s wild to imagine that humans are still uncovering “new” information about a creature that lived 505 million years ago, but that is indeed happening with a study just published by the Royal Society.

Up until now, the Anomalocaris canadensis—aka "Weird Shrimp from Canada"—has been considered an “apex predator” of its period. It was 2–3 feet long (talk about a jumbo shrimp!), with huge claw-extensions sprouting off its face. Researchers believed these appendages had a Hulk-like strength, allowing it to catch and crush the shells of trilobites for breakfast! Or whatever meals they had back then. 

Well, this Shrimplord (KNEEL BEFORE HIM) has had its 15 minutes at the top of the Middle Cambrian food chain. Because the new research finds that, despite its considerable size, it was really a big, squishy softie. D'awwww!

Those terrifying face-claws that make it look a bit like Zoidberg? Turns out they were far too weak to crush rock-hard organisms. Other details of its anatomy suggest that it was a quick, nektonic (actively swimming) predator—but one suited to hunting similarly soft-bodied prey, which would dramatically limit how much of a threat this critter actually posed.

The verdict: This shrimp wasn't shrimpy, but it wasn't exactly buff AF. In fact, we can assume that it never went to a single CrossFit class. - AT

TOO BIG TO FAIL!

A Disaster Called America

It’s 1906 and the future is bright! Nothing can ever go wrong and all technological advancements are perfect! The hot new thing is lighter-than-air travel. I’m talking dirigibles baybeee! You take a hot air balloon, swap the little basket for a big ol’ airship with some propellers, and you’re flying high!

Walter Wellman had a lot of connections from his career as a journalist and explorer— and a strong urge to get to the North Pole. When he couldn’t make it by boat and sledge he had the great idea of going to the top of the world by going UP. After raising the 60K (over 1.5 mill in today’s dollars) to build his baby, the airship America was born.

Or, I mean, after the engines LITERALLY FELL APART the first time they tried putting it together, the airship America was born! The first flight toward the North Pole…failed. Walt didn’t want to wait for bad weather to pass and they ended up deflating the balloon part to avoid a crash landing. But after repairs, they made a second attempt!

…That also failed two hours in. This time, they were picked up by a steamship and returned to shore.

Not being the quittin’ type, no failure could keep Walt’s feet on the ground. Even after Dr. Frederick Cook claimed to reach the North Pole (by ship and sledge, no less—the nerve!), Walt just changed his goal… A transatlantic crossing!

And so, on October 15th, 1910, radio operator Jack Irwin, ship engineer Melvin Vaniman, Kiddo the cat, and Wellman took off for Europe. Not only did condensing water on the airship add more weight than it was comfortable flying with, but Wellman’s habit of not giving a flying F about the weather meant they started into a stiff headwind. Oh, and there was beach sand in the engines?

So after struggling for almost 3 full days, they had made it just south of Nova Scotia and called it quits. Irwin sent the first air-based distress call on his radio and a passing steamship fished them all (including Kiddo the cat, thank goodness!) out of the water. The America continued floating south, presumably to calmer seas where it could sink in peace. - SC